Endeavored

Today, I was asked twice why I am going to Hillsdale College. I don’t mention this to brag about my academic skill, my GPA, or college entrance test scores. Both that asked me were past teachers. Each teacher that asked me were also, from what I have gathered/now realize, liberal, which is absolutely fine. I felt that when they found out they were disappointed because they, along with one of my other teachers that found out that I was going to Hillsdale a few weeks ago, didn’t take me for a conservative.

To be honest, I felt like I was traped in that identity as a conservative, being judged and limited as a certain person. Regardless of what I said they both seemed a bit disconnected with me. I then proceeded to give them reasons as to why I was pursuing conservative politics as if to appease them and make them like me.

The truth is that I am going to Hillsdale College not because I identify as either conservative or liberal, but rather it is a calling, an order given to me by my Commander, my friend and lover: Jesus Christ. So, no, I’m not going because I enjoy conservaitve politics over liberal education, I’m going because of Love and the sake of righteousness. I am not defined by college, nor is my worth or value as a person defined by my college. I am Jared Eckert, responding to the calling, to the destiny, that was set before the beginning of time. I am simply responding to my Father.

“Thine be the glory forever, amen.”

Lately

Sometimes…

We don’t understand why certain situations go on; why God keeps some answers from us when we feel most in need of them; why the orchestrator of our lives doesn’t include all we would like.

Sometimes…

We become angry and bitter towards God, towards man; We beat our hands on the doors that are closed, wishing we could have what wasn’t meant;

An no matter how hard we scream, yell, beat the walls, or act foolish, our selfish desires are withheld as we try to over throw the one who we have so humbly asked to reign in the throne room of our hearts.

Lately…

A fence, that has always been, and I feel shall remain for most, if not all of my life, has stopped me from getting what I want most: people. I desire so strongly to have friends, the best of friends, those who I can grow closer to than anyone. However, this threatens the rule of my King. 

Call me crazy…

but as I watch the dull, grey, cloudy skies of the world beyond the fence and those who walk by my “cage” unaware of my existence, of my heart, I realize that I have watched too long this colorless scene. No matter how violently I claw at the barrier, it will not break; no matter how high I climb, I will never reach the top. The only way for this wall to be removed: I must dethrone the God of the universe - which is impossible, but can be done, in our minds, if we choose to believe that he does not exist. 

Thankfully…

God and His wonderful grace are unlimited, and he will not cease to exist because of my foolish, self chosen blindness. So I stop, and see that all along I have resisted the God who so desperately yearns for me. I realize that I don’t want Him out of my life. That people cannot be God, and that I don’t want to be close to anyone but God and anyone who carries His presence.

I have suffered

I have endured

I have awakened

Reassured

For all those who seem to have this wall, take heart! “Friendship” is limited and unglorious as society, social networking, and those around you make it seem. Sadly, not many are close, not many connect deeper than text messages, but the Lover of your soul longs for you.

“As I heeded to the silent whisper I heard amongst the wind, I turned and saw the beauty that lies within. The grey - it fell away, never to return. A vast valley of colors flashed before my eyes, my heart stopped, and my flesh died. I awoke to the voice of my Savior, to my Lover, and my Friend, and found that I was awakened, alive to breathe again. The colors there remained, as we lost our way into His heart, danced in the river where it never grows dark.”

“I don’t miss the stars.”

The fence is not a set back, it is not a barrier, but rather an invitation to fall in love with one who loves you best.

I am the One who forever loves you, forever holds you, forever sees you, and forever knows you. - God

breach

This heart frozen

Neglection of heat

Self created

The fire is always there

Just chose not to get 

CLOSE

Did I come this far for

-for what?

I still neglect 

the one thing

that thaws 

my chasm of ice.

Release you fire

release your truth

Frost like reflections

distort the world

and the truth.

Bitterness

Loneliness

Loss

Ten thousand guards

shiver on the walls

watching for any sign of life

Where does life exist?

Is it it inside of these walls,

Or have I kept it out

resisting

rebelling

against its reign

-I will venture out

go to where the fire is

leave this brokeness

behind

Erase the remnant

that remains my past

The walls will 

someday crack

Crumble and splinter apart

falling down

revealing the darkness

of the heart

and Life will rush in

I’m done looking 

from afar;

I want to be

where you are